In my About page, I established that I’m a swinger, a parent, and I’m married. But I haven’t given any information on how I got here – so here goes…..
(tl;dr – I was raised by somewhat normal parents who both had monogamous relationships. My father was super religious and my mom was very free-spirited. Where my father married again and stayed monogamous, my mother dated a lot and finally settled down with a man much younger than she. Watching the contrast between the two very different ways each parent approached relationships and intimacy gave me a different outlook on relationships and what is “normal” and “acceptable.”)
I’ve been a serial monogamist for most of my adult life. Most relationships were short-lived and dissolved into nothingness within a year or less. The longest relationship I’ve had to date is the eleven years I spent dating and married to my ex-husband. He and I dabbled in the BDSM lifestyle for a little while, but it was not a practical way for me to live 24/7. We flirted with the idea of inviting others in and exploring swinging or threesomes, but nothing came to fruition. I was too self-conscious and didn’t trust the outcome of such an adventure. So, we remained monogamous until we divorced.
After the divorce, I dated a guy who had some pretty outlandish kinks. He recognized that I was not the vanilla, monogamous person I was trying to be. He wore me down to go to a swingers party. I say he wore me down because I was very reluctant given his issues with jealousies and my own indecisive feelings about my sexuality. The experience at the party was just short of a complete disaster. An experience that (thankfully) ended the relationship.
So, why would I attempt a taste of the pineapple again? Through the experience of that first party six years ago, I met a really great friend who started me on the path to accepting my own sexuality and providing a safe space where I could explore my interests. While there was no relationship to be had between us, our friendship opened doors for me and there was a tacit acceptance that I found within it. Even though I began my journey there, I did return to monogamous vanilla life in an attempt to “normalize” to society. It would be another six years before I stopped trying to pretend to be something I’m not and accept myself for who I am and what I need in a relationship. The journey has been a long one, but necessary. There are lessons in every struggle and bump in the road of life. I had to first open myself up to learning the lessons, then take action on the choices I’ve made and decide to make better ones.
So here I am now in present day. I met my husband, Shades, four years ago. We recently got married in September of 2016. He is amazingly accepting and an adventurous partner. With his encouragement and help, I am able to explore the side of me that I’ve tried to keep hidden for so long. To be finally free of jealousies and judgement is amazing. I am only now starting to explore this dimension of my life, and that is what this blog is about. Exploring those ideas and sensations and sharing them with others. It’s important to me to explore why I am doing what I am doing and how it shapes me as a person.
I hope that if you’re reading this, you find something within my posts that apply to your life – regardless if you are in the lifestyle or not. Feel free to leave comments and share my posts as you see fit.