Category: What’s This All About?

Defining This Thing We Call “The Lifestyle”

Blog Lifestyle Rules Swinger What's This All About?

Defining This Thing We Call “The Lifestyle”

I’ve had a few people curious about some of the terminology I use or have questions about what this lifestyle is about. I figured it would be a good idea to give a little context to things, so here it is. These are common terms used within the lifestyle. I would like to note that “lifestyle” is a bit of a fluid term. It is the same word used to describe a few different sexual preferences, like BDSM for instance. While what I do is not considered a part of the BDSM lifestyle, it is called the lifestyle in the same way that BDSM groups use it.

neon signage - What does this mean?

The Lifestyle

The Lifestyle is a term coined by Robert McGinley  I believe in the 70’s or 80’s.  It is basically a modern version of the term “Swingers.” However, most people in the Lifestyle feel it is more encompassing that just swinging. It can also include people that are sexually open minded in general.


Vanilla refers to something that is non-Lifestyle. For example, and Vanilla Club, Vanilla Friends or Party.


The general term for sexual activity between members of the lifestyle. Rather than call it sex, it is much more fun to call it “play”.

Full Swap

Full Swap is generally when a couple fully swaps partners, including intercourse.  Some Full Swap couples are interested in playing in the same room, and some are interested in separate rooms.

Soft Swap

Soft Swap is when couples exchanges partners, but do not have intercourse. Generally it is limited to swapping orally.


A Unicorn refers to a single woman in the lifestyle who likes to play with couples. They are called Unicorns because they are pretty rare, and many have never seen one!

Group Sex

Is a group of people all having sex. This is what most Vanilla people think swingers do every Saturday night; however, it is rare occurrence. Swinging typically consists of two or three couples.

Same Room

If someone says they are interested in “Same Room” this may mean they are interested in Full Swap Same Room, or it may mean they are interested in having sex with their partner in the same rooms another couple is having sex and watching each other.

Hall Pass

This mean that one of the individuals has permission to play on his own from his partner.


Girl-Girl is where just the women play and the men either watch, join their partners, do their taxes or play a board game,  but do not have any interaction with the other persons partner. Some Couples are interested in Girl-Girl with limited touching.


These are people that enjoy having sex while other people watch and are not necessarily Swingers.


These are people that enjoy watching others have sex and are not necessarily Swingers.


Are people who enjoy being nude and being nude is part of their Lifestyle. Nudist claim that they separate being nude from sexuality.  Nudist are not necessarily Swingers, and Swingers are not necessarily nudist.  Be warned that Nudist camps or resorts are NOT Swingers Clubs. There are typically many children present at these places, so any show of sexuality is obviously frowned upon.


Are people new to the Lifestyle, or to a Lifestyle club or resort. I.E “Let’s wait in the lobby and get the Newbies when the bus arrives!”


Bareback would refer to having intercourse without the use of a condom. This is generally frowned upon in the Lifestyle.

House Party

A house party is a where a member of the Lifestyle hosts a party at their house.

Meet & Greet

A Meet & Greet is an event typically held at a hotel or bar and there is no sex involved, just mild flirting and banter. These are generally low pressure events for people interested in the Lifestyle to get their feet wet.

Swingers Club

Swingers Clubs are events  where sexual activities take place at the location. They are typically BYOB and generally have areas or rooms (or both!) for people to have sex or “play”. There are swingers clubs in every state in the United States and in most of the world. These clubs are a safe place for people to meet  and explore their sexuality. These clubs are typically NOT high pressure environments, as some would suspect. They are a great way to meet other people in the Lifestyle.


Bisexuality is very common in the Lifestyle with women. Not only is it socially acceptable, but it is encouraged.


Stands for Male, Female, Male. This is a situation where there are two Men and one women in a threesome


Stand For Female, Male, Female. This is a situation where there are two women and one Male in a threesome.


The Pineapple Significance

Blog Lifestyle Swinger Symbols What's This All About?

The Pineapple Significance

So, what’s the deal about all the pineapple references? I figure it’s only fair to explain, because I find it kinda funny. It’s one of the urban legends that exists to identify swingers from non-swingers. There are actually a few of these legends I found online. The one I gravitate to is of course, the pineapple. Apparently, if you’re a swinger you’re supposed to put an upside down pineapple in your shopping cart at the grocery store to identify yourself. (and maybe pick up another hot couple? I have no clue…never seen this happen lol) Also, you can decorate your mailbox with pineapples to indicate your lifestyle preference. Another good one is white rocks outside your house near the front door (Watch out! Better tell grandma to be careful of the rocks she puts in her landscaping out front! LOL)

There are quite a few suggestions online about these symbols and others, but here’s the deal, if your friends are swingers, they won’t tell you unless they think you can handle it. Most of us are very discreet, because, really….what we do in our bedrooms and with whom is our own business. We don’t want to risk being outed at our jobs, churches, social circles or anywhere else that might feel like we would be judged. This is the reason I use a pseudonym – yes, there are quite a few of my close friends who know and some coworkers, but fully outing myself is my choice. There are still family members who may not take kindly to it and I really don’t want to make it their business. What they don’t know, won’t hurt them. 😉

So, Boots, why write about this at all? Well, the answer is simple,I think I have a unique view on things and can maybe help others as they navigate through their own sexuality and finding themselves. The experiences I’ve had so far have opened my eyes to deeper things than just hooking up with some hot people. The way that people interact with each other is really intriguing to me and makes me take a closer look at the way that I interact with others – both in and out of the lifestyle.

I hope to post more often and with better frequency. Please forgive me that I haven’t. It is a difficult thing sometimes to get my thoughts out on paper and feel like maybe people don’t want to hear what I say – one of the things I’m working through. Thank you for reading so far and hope to bring you some new material soon!